The Germans have an obsession with bubbly water. I’ve been drinking it for the past 3 days thinking it’s healthier. It sure is cleansing my body, flatulence-wise.

It’s also obscene how much I fart when I’m alone. And how I disgust myself with the smell of my farts.

My poor Alex

Next week is Korea!

BTW this is a semi old picture of me, 2 months ago. Did like the bangs, the 90 deg weather not so much. It’s gone now.

Congrats to Spaz for agreeing to be tied to one man for the rest of her life…..

On the way there, Alex had some disgusting doner kebab for 8 euro! (Normally they cost 3 euro on the street)

T he next day, we strolled around the markets

Saw this book maker

The main place is ENORMOUS. It’s called Place de la Comedie

Alex kindly permitted a visit to the Musee Fabre where he got scolded by the museum guards for standing too close to the paintings. Cameras were forbidden, but I managed a couple of shots

We spent our evening in the most American way. We went to a quasi-Irvine Spectrum place where we ate at a French brewery chain (think Bj’s) where I had a beer taster

and a giant pork knuckle…..

We then took in a movie

We had cafe

Then watched skateboarded

And how adorable is this…..!!

Another weekend we headed to  Gobi Monastery near Manosque

And of course, I saw SHEEP at his parent’s house!

It’s bit distracting  to have a flock staring at you

But enfin we have had some monstrous weather (RAIN!! RAIN!! DAMN YOU GLOBAL WARNING) so my days of flitting down dog shit covered street of Marseille in a cute sundress were over….

Which is fitting that I’ll finally do my posts on Oslo and Stockholm

What can I say about Oslo? It’s cold. Honestly, after 3 days that’s pretty much it unless you’re a die hard snow bunny

But the cleanliness and the people impressed me. The high food prices not soo much. To my delight there was a Burger King here (yay!) but at 12 euros a value meal ($15 ) I sadly did not indulge in a whopper with cheese.

Our amazing high speed Flytoget train to get from the airport to the center of the city.

Chrisi and I unfortunately got RIDICULOUSLY lost on our way to our hostel. We literally ran down dark stretches of narrow highway, asking the least dodgy looking people where the hell this hostel was.

Once there, we cracked open a bottle of wine using a butter knife (we had wisely hit up the duty free shop in the airport purchasing wine and a forever wonderful bottle of vodka)

The next day we set out in the cold. The weather wasn’t terribly great with no sun in sight.

We first hit up a couple of unmemorable museums (not that we should complain as they were free, as most government museums in Oslo were) while waiting for the changing of the guards at 1 pm. The Norwegians have a very interesting way of paying homage to their Viking history with kitcshy paper mache interspersed with archaeological artifacts

Also terrible english translations

And child-like paintings

Then we headed over to the changing of the guards at the Royal Palace

There we clowned around with a guard (very nice btw)

and then watched the procession.

Now in trying to plan this trip, I had made an excel spreadsheet on all the budget eats (yes i am a freak)

So after 3 false starts (restaurant not open, no longer exists, where the hell is Kjelsås,??) we finally ate at Dovrehallen

I had the pork schnitzel which was amazingly good

And Chrisi had corned beef and swedish mash

It had a diner feel, surrounded by old Norwegians

Then we attempted to see Akershus festning but it was TOO cold so Chrisi and I gave up.

But not before seeing Roosevelt

The next day was the Holmenkollen, or the ski jump Oslo.

We took a 30 minute metro ride there along with half of Oslo apparently ditching work/school/various commitments to go skiing, snowboarding and sledding.

BTW this thing is amazing looking.

We didn’t pay the NOK 75 ($12) for a view of the top because the nice young man told us it wouldn’t be worth it with the shitty weather.

So we took to the woods

Then we took in a free movie (yay) offered by a film group and watched Death at Oslo S

I recommend it actually if you wish to look at horrid fashion choices from the 90’s along with heroin addicted kids.

After an unmemorable dinner at Smak

(we didn’t opt for the bush and laden pizza with half beef, cheese, and peppers with chicken jalapenos and cheese)

We took an 8 (8!!) hour bus to Stockholm after meeting up with Jessica.

And this is us BONE TIRED afterwards. I won’t generally recommend this. We took a long nap afterwards.

We wanted to head out Skansen Museum   but during off season half of the exhibits were closed so we just took pretty pictures and checked out Nordiska Museet

BTW our hostel was probably the best I had been too. We met up with a random group and all headed out.

Then  the crazy Australian girl Sarah and I headed out to a club

Clubs in Stockholm weren’t much to write home about. I wish I had splurged a bit and gone to the Opera Club. Apparently this is the place to be seen. Next time.

One thing I would have to say about Stockholm is the shopping.

The fashion in Stockholm is amazing. After the black and colorless (yet still chic) of France, my eyes welcomed the bright colors of Stockholm. I ALMOST bought a bright ass yellow dress but decided it would just wash out my yellow skin.

Sadly we missed the BIGGEST Ikea in the world because it was outside of the city center.

The markets are also tiny

And then we ate at Max, a  Swedish hamburger chain.

The hamburger was decent but the beef patty was boiled!!

Then off to the Swedish palace

And off to Gamla Stan, the oldest part of Sweden

We took in a rugby match and beer here.

Then the most hilarious part of our trip…

We missed our bus to Stockholm and SPENT THE NIGHT (Midnight to 11 AM) IN THE BUS STATION

The worst part was the police waking us up every 2 hours  (apparently one can’t sleep in the train station because it just makes the city of Stockholm look slovenly)

We comforted ourselves with some passable Mexican food

And I saw a new way of a Hanbok being worn

Back at Oslo  we checked into our  hostel and passed out after hitting the vodka bottle.

The next day, we headed to the Viking ship museum

Now this was impressive

Then the Munch museum

The Scream was at the National Museum but there were also some interesting pieces here.

The off to the fjords!!

Err more like the poorman’s fjords.

We took a free boat trip (included in the day pass)

And took a 10min trip.

Chrisi cooked for us that night (although she claimed she couldn’t cook) and we had to deal with an interesting roomate (I’d like to think deranged as the self mutterings wouldn’t stop)

Then we hung out with a bunch of Spainairds

Interestingly, while I had forgotten all of my Spanish learning French had somehow made understanding it easier.

Our last day in Oslo had us hitting the Vigeland Sculpture Park

Everything was designed by Gustav Vigeland

I particularly was fascinated by this one

Then we took a bunch of silly pictures

With one final lunch at a cafe that I don’t remember(very hipsterish)

And of course a stop to buy a giant tube of Mentos

and BAGELS. I bought about 4 bagels and still have one in the freezer

And finally revealing my plans as I leave in 15 hours…..

I’m heading out on a 20 euros flight from Ryanair to the former MOST EXPENSIVE CITY IN THE WORLD

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Yes, I am spending ONE week in Oslo, Norway with a 2 additional days in Stockholm, Sweden.

Let’s see some statistics:

Oslo
1 pint of beer: 8 euros
1 night at a hostel :30 euros
1 Whopper Value Meal: 12 EUROS

Yup, my bank account is going to hate me.

And I PROMISE this time the posts will be one time!

Then we counted down to the new year with confetti and these blowdart ball things that all the men got HEAVILY involded in.

And finished with the MOST delicious macaron, chocolate cake.

Happy (late I know, shush) New Years everybody!

(PSST, jooree where is Orleans?)

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THERE.

His sister, her husband, and their adorable-bratty-at-the-same-time son live in this old ENORMOUS house which they redid all by themselves.

A couple of pictures on the road there..

OH did I not mention that we drove there?

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YES, all eight hours. Thankfully, I don’t know how to drive a manual (thank you LA) so I mostly slept in the back.

Actually, they live in tinier town called Sully La Chappelle

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It’s a TINY town with large fields of… nothingness.

But it was fun to walk around. A child always gives a better perspective.

Orleans is known for a couple of things. OK, I lied, One thing and here it is.

Jeanne D’arc (Joan of Arc to us Americans)

She helped turn the tide for France in the Hundred’s Year War in Orleans and now they have this huge Cathedral dedicated to her.

BTW, that cathedral is fucking enormous. And WAY cooler than Notre Dame.

It is being refurbished right now but the stained glass windows are amazing.

I mostly spent the holidays trying not to do anything “unfrench-like” and indulged in a lot of WII.

It is so addicting and a perfect way to sweat. YES YOU CAN SWEAT WHILE PLAYING WII GOLF. The boyfriend and I are very competitive.

I also had my first 4×4 cart experience.

*NOTE this picture was taken for you my readers to show HOW ridiculous I can look.

But it did give us the opportunity to drive around the area

And see this house with it’s own moat!! Why does America have nothing like this??

And craploads of cows.

Christmas was lovely as even I received gifts from his family.

BTW I never believed in Santa Claus but apparently his nephew does so it was hilarious to hold this over his head for a week.

“Si tu ne faites pas bien, on va appeler Pere Noel!” (If you do not behave, we’re going to call Santa Claus!)

The right side were presents for him. ALL OF THEM.

And still, he asked “Mais ou est-ce que le ______ que j’ai demande?” (Where is the (have no recollection of what he wanted) that I asked for?) after shredding TEN gifts.

Kids these days.

Alex was pleased with his gifts.

It was a comic book on Jean Claude Van Damme. It’s a big french joke here that he’s always on drugs and speaks in the weirdest mix of french and english and thereby making no sense in either language.

Example:

BTW, I know this is kind of perverse, but I LOVE taking pictures of french children.

Of course, being only 2 hours away from Paris by train demanded that we go. So we did.

(This is for you Jullie and Ben)

After a short train ride, we went to the Museum National d’Histoire Naturelle, which was near the train station.

Even Parisians put man first.

There were also aborted babies

A premature born cat

And the best sculpture EVER

BTW this is scary for kids. Two monkeys killing a man?

Then a stroll through the outdoor zoo they had.

I’ve ALWAYS hated zoos, as the animals alway look depressed

but this one had guinea pigs! With bunnies for some bizarre reason.

(It started out with two…then…)

And my first ever sloth sighting.

And the boyfriend meeting up with some old friends

We walked on the Champs Elysses

and to my HORROR…

McDo has invaded le champs elysses. Why aren’t more parisians pissed? Where is Jose Bové ?

We ate at a Korean/Chinese owned restaurant with some decent kimchi….but OMG

I ate fucking dduk. 7 EURO dduk!!!

Then impressed the shit out of the boyfriend at the Eiffel Tower. He didn’t want to go and be a tourist, but he was the one most excited when we got there.

No matter how much I bag on Paris, it is goddamn beautiful.

Look, it’s coming out of our heads!

And a more proper picture.

This is the prefecture (or town hall)

Near my apartment….

And the most adorable thing ever at the Christmas Marche near the Vieux Port

Children writing Christmas letters to Pere Noel (Santa Claus) in quill and ink!

SO I settled for turkey legs, which cost me a mere 2 euros per leg.

I brined the legs overnight and cooked them in the oven. Then on to mashed potatoes, corn, gravy, stuffing, and I made a whole fish baked in salt for the vegetarian/fish eater in the group.

We invited the boyfriend’s friends and 2 other english assistants.

Jim and Mathieu provided most of the entertainment.

And this is Niko, who tasted American stuffing for the first time and never fails to ask me about it when I see him.

The evening ended with Mathieu smoking a joint on our balcony and proceeded to eat his way through all the leftovers. My first thanksgiving with no leftovers!

Bloc Party , quite possibly one of my most favorite bands played a set at Dock des Suds

While waiting for them, the most pretentious “we’re going to play crappy music because you will not understand it” band came out and played.

They initially looked cool, but the weird electro/long awkward pauses/guitar solo music did nothing for me. I could tell that the crowd wasn’t too impressed with the music. But being polite french people, they all politely clapped in the end. Ahh, the politesse of the french.

Have you ever seen me look so deliriously happy?

And finally they came on!!

*Side note: The boyfriend would like me to post that it was him that took all the preceding photos because I was too busy screaming my head off to the songs.

They were fantastic, playing all the good songs, ending with Helicopter (yay!) but honestly the man that stole show was

Kele Okereke

What an amazing frontman for a band. I know, I know, the rest of the band makes up Bloc Party, but he was so sociable and SO charmant (there is NO good translation of this word).

One can never have too many pictures of him.

At this point, he stage dived into the crowd. The boyfriend and I had pushed our way to the front and I touched him. I actually screamed “Oh my fucking god, I just touched him”, like a little girl. There, I said it.

What a fucking amazing concert.

Proof that I was happy.