Bechamel in Marseille

Currently Playing I Megaphone By Imogen Heap Hide and Seek see related

I’m ready, I hear the pitter patter sound of little feet in the future…..(thanks spaz)

Ok, in ten years, but still, kids. This is Ethan, Pastor Mike’s kid. I will teach this kid all about Dali, Modigliani, Steinback, James Agee, John Mitchell, and the value of a good foreign movie. 

Me being a mom, scary thought, but my biological clock is mad racing. I know why I want to have kids. I want somebody to love, somebody to take care of, somebody to completely trust you. Which is all the wrong reasons, but sometimes when a baby looks at you with all the innocence in the world, its amazing. “no other love in the world can touch that” someone told me once about children.

So why all the thoughts? Well, I never thought I’d be graduating college and moving on with a new life.

LIfe is so random somtimes. I’m leaving everything and everyone I know for another country, another life. Which is scary enough, but I don’t even have a real plan. Of course its exciting, but at the same, its…..scary. I’m ready, but I don’t know how ready I am. There won’t be anybody to run to once I go there if I get into trouble. There won’t be anybody around for me to “just talk to”

So why am I doing it then? I need to…..move on? Run away? Leave? Sometimes things don’t even make sense to me, but often times I do it anyways, hoping that one day it was the right thing to do. I know I need to be by myself for a while. Sometimes being at your lowest is the best way to find yourself.

And thats my ultimate hope. To come back (one day), changed, different, but yet still me. Maturity comes to mind. One day I’ll quit fucking up, one day I’ll quit being clueless, one day I’ll get it right….

Than maybe I can be truly happy

Currently Reading Out of It : A Cultural History of Intoxication By STUART WALTON see related

You know you’ve reached a new low when you’re puking in the bushes outside a Albertacos at 2 in the morning……

ah, def an alchy….

Currently Playing Daydream By Mariah Carey 05-Always be my baby see related

SOOO…..

Got my peace corps assignment today. IN June 2006, I wil be traveling to Africa for sex education, AIDS education, primary education, and community development.

So I’m happy. At least now I know when I’ll go. However, I’m beginning to feel apprehensive.

I finished reading the Peace Corps volunteer safety report for 2002. Did you know that no homicides were reported in 2002? Yet in 1998 there were 4, 1 in 2001 and a total of 6 homicides from 1992-2002?? A total of 20 dead volunteers in the peace corps 47 year history?

Why so many dead currently? Probably due to the unstable world, and the worst part is, they don’t have current data on 2003 or 2004.

Oh yea, and 12 rapes in 2002.

I know there are risks to everything in life. But I don’t know. I don’t feel like dying in a country trying to teach safe sex.