Dec 09 2005
Ryan’s list
This is my response to ryan, my dear dear UCR dongsheng…(and he’s single!)
ryan’s list
here is a list of things girls should know and fucking accept. =)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up put it down.
2. Do not cut your hair. Ever.
3. Sometimes, he is not thinking about you. Live with it.
4. Get rid of your cat.
5. Sunday = Sports.
6. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. You have enough clothes.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.
11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from pointblank range. We are bound to miss sometimes.
14. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers.
15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
16. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
17. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
18. If you do not dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, do not expect us to act like soap opera guys.
19. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
20. Let us ogle. If we do not look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
21. Do not rub the lamp if you do not want the genie to come out.
22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done … not both.
23. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
24. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at
My response
here is a list of things guys should know and fucking accept. =)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. It came with the lid DOWN.
2. Please cut your goddamn hair!
3. We’re always thinking about you. Even when we don’t want to. We can’t help it.
4. Get rid of your expensive car/poker/sports/las vegas habit.
5. Sunday = Snuggling.
6. If you think you look good, ask us to make sure. 98% we never like how you look.
7. Anything you wear is not ok. Who still shops for you? Your mom?
8. You have enough porn.
9. You have too much porn.
10. We cry. Tough. Deal with it.
11. Pick up on the subtle hints.
12. Remember the fucking anniversary.
13. How hard is to pee standing up?
14. Yes, no, and maybe are perfectly acceptable answers.
15. Sex that lasts for 5 min is a problem. See a doctor.
16. Be glad we fake it. 80% of you guys can’t do it right and rather than crush your fragile egos, we fake it.
17. Anything we said six or eight months ago is admissible in an argument.
18. We will never dress like victoria secret girls so stop stealing our catalogs.
19. If something you said could be interpreted two ways, then we’ll take both into consideration and ultimately pick the one that makes us sad and angry.
20. If you’re ogling other girls are you really comparing? And if you are, shame on you!
21. Sometimes the genie comes out without rubbing the lamp.
22. Do something right the first time.
23. Christopher Columbus he died thinking he found a way to India when he actually landed somewhere in America.
24. Hm..the one point I agree on. 
